I am in the middle of this coronavirus pandemic and I'm trying to keep perspective. To be a peacemaker and one who eases burdens in others. But I don't seem to be effective at all. I see glimmers of hope, but I am scared.
It isn't the virus that scares me. It's people's responses. Most of all I am afraid of being trapped. That is my greatest fear. And as they keep tightening restrictions I am trying desperately to keep perspective. I need to know I can get out. I need to be a part of nature and wilderness. But they keep closing even wilderness access.
I don't see it working though. There has been no decline in the spread. So I fear what is next. I don't admit it openly, but I do.
I try to convince myself as much as other people. But the only place I can run is to God.
God, I truly truly believe in you. That is no doubt. I don't know why this is happening. I hear you bring to mind Elijah and Joseph and David, and Paul and many others that suffered greatly while following you. Even you, Jesus, endured hardships I am not close to facing. So I need your peace. I need your supernatural reassurance. And I need joy. I need to be able to face things and be strong for my family.
Please help my son to settle. His temperment is partly my fault and I regret it even though I had no idea I was not providing the kind of safety he needed. Please give us grace and peace and patience to live the life you have given us. You know our needs and you can provide them or not. I resign myself to your care for me in my stronger moments. Carry me in my weaker ones. Please let me feel it. Send me the angel and the ravens.
I can be nothing other than yours and that means things can't be other than ok. Help me to hold to this and give me what consolations I need because I am hurting.
