Jesus, I wish I could talk to you.
What would you say?
What should I call you?
Does it matter?
No, not really. Why can't I hear you?
You don't have ears yet. You know what I mean. Listen closely. Have you never heard me?
No I guess I have.
Remember the forest? How about the car?
Slow down, I can't type that fast. You're not even using words.
Not words like you know them. Clunky insufficient things. Greek is better.
I've tried to learn. It's hard.
I know. You didn't grow up with it.
I remember feeling you around me all the time for awhile, was that real?
Define real.
Why did you stop?
You told me to go.
I know. I'm sorry. My head is...
I know. Don't.
Don't what?
Make excuses. It's over. It's ok. I was with you Friday.
Was that you? I wondered.
It's always me.
I want to beleive that.
Then believe it.
How do I know it's true?
How do you know anything you can't touch is true?
By how it feels. It...rings true.
Nice ellipsis, you'd do well at Greek.
I think I'm putting words in your mouth.
You are, in a way. But are they untrue?
I'm trying not to think about it. Just do it and see what happens.
I think that's a good idea. I never wrote anything for a reason.
I've wondered about that. I mean I can speculate.
Let's get to the point.
I want to know you, feel you, hear from you...not in my head. In real concrete ways like talking to someone here.
This is complicated. Why don't you do what I say and see where it leads you.
I'm trying. Well, sort of. I mean, you don't want me to work for your approval.
You know I didn't mean that. Are you embarassed by me?
I'm afraid I might be. I don't want to be, but I see others who seem more bold. Is that bad?
Just be honest. That's all you can do really.
I do love you.
Then don't hide that. Even from your counselor.
I'm afraid she won't understand.
That's fair. But what then.
I don't know.
Just learn to be yourself. Don't say it. I know it's hard to tell. But you know, behind your thoughts. Let me work.
Will I rest tonight?
You'll just have to wait and see.
Ok. I hope this is not just my own fantasy. I'll post it and read it later.
