My counselor put me on a meditation program. I've tried them before but never really clicked or sustained. But this time I'm different. I have rapidly been seeing benefits. One of the first was some insight and clarity into my memories and feelings. But this I half discounted as simply taking time to work through and notice stuff. Then, in struggling to come to terms with health issues that seem to have little traceable cause, it occured to me that one of the things I was supposed to focus on in the meditation is that I am capable of handling whatever might come out of my memory or psyche. I have tried hard not to make this an adversarial image. I'm not picturing myself as some warrior or superhero as I have done as coping strategy. This time I'm trying to simply exist with things. Not as if they are ok, but to see them as they are and extend compassion to myself and even the painful things. As a Christian, this whole process is naturally attuned to an awareness of God and actually becomes a form of prayer for me.
So I had the idea of turning that invitation to peace coupled with a faith that it could happen on my physical ailments. This is where it was an immediate response. I got better. No I really did. I simply latched on to the memory of a tome when I was actually healed instantly of something and held that simple faoth that it could happen again. And Iasked for it. I focused my imagination on what I was hoping for and it happened. My breathing opened. My pain was gone. My mood lifted. My congestion disappeared. Just like that.
I'm not saying this is some once and done thing. I have found them creeping back. But I am much more confident that Jehovah Rapha, The Healing One exists and that I can reach him and that he freely responds. I even had the first truly ok day in about a year. (Those who get it, get this.)
Perhaps not ironically, recently my nightmares have come back with a renewed vigor. This really strains my scientific mind toward things like demonic influence. But unlike most who talk about such things, I believe that if they are capable of such impacts, it is only where I have not believed what is true. The scientific explanation is of course that I was having psychosomatic illness, which I was able to resolve through a change in my thinking. But I don't believe the two explanations are mutually exclusive. In the end, it doesn't matter because, I am feeling better and I'll take it. Thank God for his healing. Thank God for seeing me and helping. Thank God. Thank you God.
