I read various things from the Christian world about purpose and blessing. Even the Bible seems to have contradictory passages about what these mean and how people react to them.
I don't know exactly where the Truth lies, but I can approach it negatively to see what it is not, and hopefully come at it by the Via Negativa.
It certainly can't mean that material success has anything to do with blessing and purpose. This would not hold up in reality as so many millions of faithful people have not been rich.
I am not convinced there is any real hard and fast single purpose for our lives...at least not in the physical sense. Perhaps there is in the catachismic sense of growing to know and glorify God, etc. But I mean on the ground, 'do this vs. that' kind of thing.
In fact, I can already see where this is going, so I might as well save myself the typing. It can only come down to doing what God leads us to do in the moment, to the best of our ability to discern it.
I don't know why God isn't clearer about his direction. I guess that's the real question, isn't it. I'd prefer him to speak in some clear and direct fashion. Paul on the road style, or Jesus' baptism. But even just a clear voice in my head, or heck, I'd settle for an email.
But for whatever reason, that isn't how he does it for most of us. I have actually had moments, believe it or not, where I have heard an audible voice or had a dream, or other clear instruction, but it's rare. They weren't about really life-changing decisions, ironically. Significant things, to be sure, but not life-altering in the physical sense. On any physically significant things like whether to have surgery or take a job, or buy a car, I get nothing.
So I can only conclude that God does what he wants when he wants. I can't rule out anything and I can't systematize him. Whoa! Maybe that has something to do with it. I don't know.
All I can say is that I sincerely try to follow him and to say, "Not my will but Yours." in every aspect of my life. Sometimes my life has seemed vibrating with holy power for a period and other times it feels dry and distant. But to the best of my knowledge I haven't had much to do with the changes.
I mean the ecologist in me knows that in the nearly infinite web of interactions, I probably did have something to do with it. But in the daily practical sense, I was not aware and couldn't have realistically predicted it.
So this leaves me thinking that perhaps my best course is simply to submit to being grown. I am not the farmer, just the plant. Not the potter, just the clay. Not the shepherd, just the sheepdog. Perhaps I can rest in this. What happens to me happens. What I do, I do. Can I be that Existential about it? I should be able to if I can trust that I have given my life over to the Lord of Spirits to steer the course of my life.
So challenges to this:
-I'll fall into sin. Not if God is truly directing me as he says. It requires a radical letting go in even the smallest areas of my life.
-I'll become apathetic and lazy; I have to work out my salvation with fear and trembling; faith without works is dead. No, I'll still keep doing what I do, making the best decisions, following my dreams and preferences. I won't cease to function. I just won't have to fret about the decision or the outcome. I can trust that whatever I end up doing will not derail me from my destiny. If the clay gets off balance, the potter just guides it back. If the plant needs pruning or gets too far into any bad direction, it is truly less the plants fault, right. And not much the plant can do about it anyway. If the sheepdog can't hear the instructions or gets them wrong, there is nothing the dog can do to fix it. He has to continue until the understanding is put into him through whatever process is necessary. But in any case, the dog doesn't have anything to do with that. The dog just has to do what he thinks he should.
-There is no God at all and this is all in your head. I can't prove otherwise. I can only say that I believe my experience shows me God is real and I hope in my core that it is true. If I am delusional, then let it be a whole-hearted delusion that I may pass sooner out of the Matrix and into a clearer reality.
So what do I do now? I don't know. I will continue to think this through and test it against my experiences and other trusted sources. But I know that if I ever want to see if something like this works, it is only in the doing. The next gate appears only after we pass through the previous (extra points if you know this reference). So no amount of talking or study will change it.
Here goes...man this rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper.
