While this will likely not go down in history, it is significant for the moment. I was caught in the US Airline IT Microsoft crash. This glitch crashed certain US airline systems as well as many other business systems. But airlines seemed most affected. They instantly grounded all flights for between 1 and 5 hours. This led to massive backups during peak summer vacation season.
But I'm not trying to analyze that. I was sitting at the gate in Tokyo Haneda after a scheduled delay of 2 hours, which already necessitated juggling a connecting flight. Then the delarture time changed to delay. Then all of them did. Then security increased in the wing of the airport and an announcement was made that all US flights were stopped.
We didn't know if it was war, or terror, or natural disaster. Just stuck. Fortunately news quickly arrived, but we sat for 5 hours hoping every few minutes the flight would board and depart. The place became intensely packed, like parade or football game packed as flight passengers kept accunulating with no where else to go. It was literally my nightmare of being trapped and crowded and unable to escape, unable to even get to a bathroom without having to literally push through crowds and climb over people laying on the floor.
When we boarded, I thought it was over. But they put the plane down in LA instead of Atlanta. They said a 15 minute stop to change crew, so no one could get off, keep in mind we uave not officially cleared customs. 1.5 hours later I asked an attendant for an update. She said the replacement crew was not there. 2 more hours and we finally got to leave, with no hope of making connections.
Upon arrival we were queued into a line for rebooking and waited 2.5 hours to reach the front where we looked for any destination close enough to get home by other means. Fortunately the as gent found a flight to a city about an hour from mine leaving in 2 hours. So we took it. A friend agreed to meet us and drive us back.
But then we got into the concourse and it was another packed festival, only no one was happy. Literally thousands of Americans were stranded, running to get a standby seat, queued up in a line 800 people deep to get rebooked. Sleeping in every chair, nook, and corner.
And our flight didn't leave on time. It delayed in 30-45 minute increments so we couldnt even leave the gate for fear of our seat being given to one of the standby horde. And then upon random chance of asking for an update, I'm told they changed the gate with no announcement.
No rental cars were available. No public transit in my area. Too far for a friend to come get us, but wothin a days drive if I could just find the means.
The whole time fighting hard to stay calm and praying I didn't get shoved or jostled and get triggered, landing in airport jail. Hypervigilant for the riot I knew was seething just under the surface and constantly looking for how to protect my wife whose medical condition was causing her increasing discomfort.
But I eventually got the flight. Now, I've been home for a week and every night, I'm stuck in airports, missing flights, fighting through endless lines, getting lost while driving. I can't help it. It was the most triggering event I've been in for many years. All my worst fears playing out.
Now I can logically see that I had no threat to life. I had AC, food, water. I was just uncomfortable. And even then, I was able to accomodate it at work. And best of all, people were entirely, not one exception, codial, respectful, and even quite polite in most cases. When one person did start to escalate, I was surprised to see someone else employ de-escalation techniques, whether naturally or from training, I don't know.
So I get that it was not such a big deal. Saying that doesn't help. It just reinforces the feelings of inadequacy and disturbance when the automatic thoughts start.
I don't know how to turn it off. If I could I would. I'm hoping that by writing out all the things I keep saying to myself and others, I'll get past it.
But when it comes down to it, I was terrified. As terrified as someone might be to look over a cliff, to swim in the ocean, to be locked in a small room. I was terrified. But I held on. I kept it together. And I got through. So I'm proud of myself for that. I've never been able to even acknowledge these things before. So this may be progress.
And in terms of God's involvement. If he was there, it was in the kindness of others, in the fact that I got flights. That friends tried to help, and most of all that I was able to extend some kindness and de-escalation in spite of my own near crisis.
