Having cut off parental contact sometime around 3 or 4 years ago, I am still not over it. I am constantly assailed by what-ifs and shoulds. Society constantly reaffirms that I ought to give up everything for that family relationship, and that no problem is bigger than a half hour to 2 hours to address, depending on the vehicle. This is a fantasy.
The reality is it hurts like hell. I also lost my extended family in the bargain, several friends, and a good deal of my in-laws, since they know each other. But I had to do it. There was no healing in that environment and if I ever seriously start thinking about reconciliation, the protective part of my personality, the beast in my head that my parents created in the name of making me tough, rages forward and wants to destroy things...them in particular. But i don't really want to do that. You just can't control the rage dog that well...if you know it, you get it.
Without them, I have been able to take steps toward freedom and healing. But they are so insinuated into my psyche, I just can't get them completely out. Not yet anyway. But hey, one day they'll die, or I will. And that will be the end of it...(down dog! Good boy, you've done your part. We see you.)
But seriously, I don't think I will ever be able to restore that relationship...i mean that implies we ever had a healthy one. In reality it was always strained and twisted by mental illness and the abuse that led to.
I'm hoping it gets better with time and distance. The more I grow away from what they created, the less in common we'll have. I am a new person. This person was born from the old one, but is not the same. I have to hold on to that.
